Sexless marriage chat
I like people and I think that we all can contribute to making our lives better if we are happy.
In other words, when you are happy, everyone around you benefits.
They may have any number of reasons to say no — other plans, family dynamics, not wanting to accept large gifts — and that’s fine if they do.
I just want to offer in case money is the only sticking point. My sister’s been historically sensitive to measures of success between us, and I’d hate to have her feel like I’m flaunting wealth while she’s strapped, and I’m afraid my parents would be embarrassed if I paid and they didn’t offer.
Or, is the issue rather that losing interest in sex has something to do with marriage?
(Yes, simply.) As a side benefit, the offer also serves as an invitation for your parents to make other suggestions — including to fly your sister and her boyfriend home.
But, I think it is safe to say that marriage = love = sex is not a given. We only have to note reality to see how true a statement that is. If you're acting out "happily ever after," unhappily, it's just not sexy. I think like many other things in life (if not all), it's an 80/20 breakdown.
Twenty percent of the time marriage is for love, the kind of love that excites sexual interest and where the restrictions of marriage don't get in the way. In fact, in my own unofficial count, of thirteen couples I know, just three of them enjoy having sex with their spouses. In broader terms, it is estimated that anywhere between fifteen and twenty percent of marriages are sexless.
My parents, an ex-boyfriend, my best friend and a coworker are in that twenty percent. That's after over fifty percent of them fail and end in divorce, which doesn't count the amount of people who stay in their marriages miserable and imprisoned, lonely and longing for real love, and the opportunity to express that love through sexual intimacy. So, there is love, at least sometimes, yet they rationalize getting a different kind of love outside the marriage is the name of "the romance is gone." But, that's what I want to know. And what kind of love is so selfish that it involves that kind of deceit?
To confuse things further, what I hear more often than not is, "Don't get me wrong. Maybe we should marry our best friends and have sex with the people who turn us on, because it seems like that's what's happening.