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"Society still makes women feel self-conscious about saying they like Asian features, or particularly, Asian guys, so even if they do, they won't let their attraction out in public.At Azn Lover, we all know why we're there — we share a common bond, in that one group has the qualities, physical and otherwise, that the other appreciates." The politics of desire Appreciation can be a double-edged sword, of course.And that, to some, speaks volumes about the sexual desirability and social status of Asian men in America.As blogger Dialectic wrote on the popular Asian American online forum The Fighting44s (where four out of the top five most popular posts relate to interracial relationships): "If heterosexual white male patriarchy and what it did in the world were not so powerful, I think it would be fair to say that Asian American women and men would be 'out-dating' or 'out-marrying' at similar rates, and that we wouldn't elevate whites, denigrate ourselves, or worry about whether we're sexually and personally worthy of others to nearly the same extent that we do now." Lover of another color That's what makes it so intriguing that a small but thriving subculture has emerged (where else?) online, of non-Asian women whose expressed romantic preferences are for Asian men.
"I do find it disturbing that some of the more extreme views I've seen are focused less on social equality than on Asian men attaining the same set of privileges as white males, whom they see as having the pick of women," says Van Kerkhove.Kristina Nicholas of Santa Cruz joined Azn Lover hoping to better understand her Japanese American fiance: "We'd just become engaged, and I was looking for other women in my situation to gain insight and even support for the challenges that might arise from marrying into a different culture," she says.Others, like San Francisco resident Elizabeth M., joined the site hoping to make new friends (and more).I remember when, the week before I left for college, my parents sat me down to tell me about the facts of life.The lecture wasn't about sex — my father, a physician, was prone to oversharing the grosser aspects of human anatomy, so I was horrifyingly aware of the mechanical aspects of reproduction as early as elementary school.